Parenting a Child with Life-Threatening Allergies: My Very Best Piece of Advice

As the new year begins, I’ve been thinking about the best advice that I can give to parents who are wondering what they can do for their child to help keep them safe and reaction-free. After a lot of thought, this is it: Teach your kids to self-manage their allergies and be their own best advocates.

Please let me clarify: others need to know, too. Relatives, friends and schools MUST be educated on food allergy realities and risks. Young kids who can't advocate and/or understand must be protected.

However, as kids grow up and go out in the world, it's up to us to prepare them to live with their allergies. In the end, it all comes down to the individual: what they ingest, the choices they make and the understanding they have about allergies.

I've got a kid with severe, anaphylactic allergies attending high school next fall and I've been where many of you are now. Elementary school had its fair share of challenges and middle school, with its increasing independence gave us a few more, like our first overnight, several-hours-away field trip with the class. Oh, and her friends are all going out to eat on their own now, too. It's now my daughter's job to check out a restaurant, speak up there and if need be, avoid the place.

 The only reason I have ever felt comfortable with any of it is because I have worked with my daughter over the years, she's invested in her own health and I trust her to make the right decisions. Thank goodness, she is very strong and confident in avoiding what she needs to avoid and speaking up when she needs to speak up. Is it always fun or comfortable for her? No, of course not. But it's necessary and she knows this. Her attitude of taking charge of her allergies also means that she can do most things that she wants to do.

When she was young, I spoke up for her, paved the way and did everything I could to ensure a safe, healthy environment that was also emotionally healthy. I like to think that what I did helped her learn that its OK to take charge of allergies; in fact, not only OK but a vital part of our lives.

How do you get to this point? Prepare kids, but don't SCARE them. Not always easy, I know, but there are ways (see below). Your pediatrician or allergist is also a great resource here as they discuss (privately!) the ways you can teach your child, depending on their age and level of development.

Below are some strategies that I have found to be helpful when teaching kids self-management of allergies:

Teach your child to use their epinephrine auto-injectors. De-mystify those things as soon as you can and emphasize that if your child is in trouble, this device is their friend. Let them use the practice injectors as much as possible. My own child really likes the Auvi-Q with its voice instructions and shorter dosage time (5 seconds in the thigh as opposed to 10).

Take your child to the grocery store and read food labels together. Obviously take age and development into account but if you have a young reader or pre-reader, this is a great thing to do. To this day my daughter is a more effective label-reader than I am (but she's got young, sharp eyes, too. :))

Discuss cross-contact and why its difficult to know what is in a food prepared in someones home, or without a label.

Emphasize the "when in doubt, do without" rule. The golden rule of food allergies!  If you have questions about a food and you can't determine the answers, teach your child to just skip it. My favorite rule, ever. Just remind the kiddos, nobody wants to go to the hospital over a cookie or a piece of candy. If you're a really prepared parent, you've probably got a "safe" replacement with you, anyway.

Offer to have the kids work with you in the kitchen. Even little ones can do simple tasks like washing a vegetable or fruit. One of the unfortunate side-effects of food allergies is that some kids may become afraid of all food--and you definitely don't want that. Show them that there are still lots of good things to eat by having them help you cook.

Speak up in a restaurant with food allergy questions and let your child hear what you are asking and the answers you receive. If they are old enough, have them do the asking. It might be scary for kids at first, but once they get used to doing it, it really can increase their ability to dine out safely. Speaking up also teaches kids what types of establishments they may need to avoid.

Explain how to prevent allergic reactions using simple things like washing hands.

What it boils down to is incorporating food allergy management into your child's everyday life so that they come to learn that this is just the way they need to do things. Then, it becomes less of a big deal, it becomes part of your child's routine and once they are more independent, they will have to tools to navigate life more safely.

One note: If you ever think your child is getting overanxious about allergies and it's interfering with living their life or preventing them from doing things that could be done safely, then please read one of my blog's most popular posts featuring expert input from a therapist that treats kids with food allergies. 

Here is one of my most popular posts that deals with the topic of teaching kids to manage their peanut/tree nut allergy. Lots of good links in this one, too.

For more nut-allergy parenting help, check out my e-book, an Amazon bestseller on this topic, so thanks to all of you!

Valentine's Day!

It's coming up and yes, that means unsafe candy will be a factor. Still, if you are prepared, this is a fun holiday, even with food allergies. Check back to the blog soon about safe, nut-free Valentine's Day ideas. In the meantime, click this link for nut-free Valentine's Day candy ideas found at the supermarket, and this link for online nut-free Valentine's Day candy and sweet treats resources. If you're a Pinner, be sure to follow me on Pinterest: I've got a board for Nut-Free Valentine's Day with recipes and craft ideas.